Approaching women

More often than not, women reject the approach not the guy. Let’s face it, those Fresh Prince of Bel Air pick-up lines don’t work. While approaching a woman, you’re a stranger to her, so the things you’ll say and do to start a conversation are critical in this stage for her to keep listening to you. Usually, in the first 3-5 minutes of the conversation she won’t be saying much so you need to put in much more effort and do most of the talking.

This should be in statement form, just like how you would talk to your friend-you should NOT INTERVIEW her by merely asking questions e.g. “How are you? What’s your name? What do you do? Why? Where? When? Who?” etc…you get the drift. Needless to say, this is sooooooo BORING and you should not blame her for losing interest very quickly where she keeps looking at her watch and glancing around every now and then. Let’s say you want to ask her what she does, instead of “What do you do?” you could say, “I ’m good at guessing what guys do for a living…may I do you/yours?”

She smiles and says ok.
You: “you look like a banker/a teacher/a manager etc..or
You could say: “you look like an astronaut/an assistant chief/radiologist...”

You could choose to open either directly or indirectly: A direct opener is one where you state your intentions clearly e.g. “I think you’re cute and would like to get to know you better”. However, I would recommend the direct opener only for guys who have managed to overcome their approach-anxiety and are therefore confident and in control around women for this is the only way you will be able to pull off this approach unless you have the first 5 qualities that turn women on that I’d mentioned in a previous blog. I will address the issue of how to get over your approach anxiety and gain confidence in one of my next blogs..just be patient my guy :-)

I should take this chance to tell you that mastering how to attract women is a long-term commitment and not an instant cure…of course you will see results if you’re a fast-learner or if you put in much effort but either way, in the Venusian Arts and life in general, class is always in session and there’s no such thing as failure, just opportunities to learn.

To begin with and sometimes even when you’ve mastered the basics I suggest you start with indirect openers: choose the one(s) you’re most comfortable with and run with that. Even I use indirect openers, especially when approaching 10’s and 11’s.

Examples of Indirect openers are:

1. Functional opener: “What time is it? / “Do you know where I can get X?”

2. Situational opener: you could talk about things going on around you, e.g. you could say something about the waiter-how he reminds you of X/ comment on people who you see, like a couple who are too quiet,etc..

3. Opinion opener: ask for her advice or opinion on something, especially on topics that women find interesting i.e. fashion, astrology, relationships, famous people, sex, the unknown, pop-culture etc. and then take these topics from your own life and relate to them.

4. Complimentary opener: tell her that she has good style – a classy outfit/ an amazing dress/ lovely shoes/ nice hair/ cute blouse etc…

NB
NEVER EVER compliment a HOT chick on her looks!

Attracting women

It’s far better to attract a woman than to chase her!

First of all; attraction isn’t a choice, it’s an emotional response…and you can’t convince a woman to feel it with logic, gifts and kindness. All along, we men have been told to ‘be yourself’, ‘smile’ and ‘tell her how you feel’ but it didn’t work. Did it?

The problem with attraction and success with women in general is that the things you need to DO to be successful are NOT OBVIOUS i.e. they’re COUNTER-INTUITIVE or the opposite of what you’d think. For example; buying her flowers too early while still dating, taking her out to dinner on the first date, being all lovey-dovey over the phone or on the date, sending her air-time or cash for WHATEVER REASON via mpesa, or just being a nice guy.

If you’ve done any of those things in an attempt to attract a woman then this blog will be a worthwhile read for you and if you’ve done neither of the above then you are either:

a) A ‘natural’ i.e. you probably have a god-given gift and this comes naturally to you, or

b) A big, fat liar and which would mean that you have far bigger issues to worry about than success with women.

Most attractive women don’t appreciate ‘niceness’ since they think that if you would be as superior as they are, you would not be nice. To them, nice is for people who are inferior. After all, they don’t have to be nice and look how everyone kisses up to them. In short, to them nice guys are losers!

The Elusive Obvious

In order to attract women successfully, there is a linear relationship in the process that occurs and one needs to know how to handle each stage effectively. This may seem intuitive and evident but believe me many people still make mistakes (myself included, yes guys…even the guru stumbles now and then ;-)

Put simply: 1.Attraction – 2.Comfort – 3.Seduction

The mistakes guys make:

1. Seduction first – they start at the end.

2. Comfort first – they start in the middle.

3. Attraction but no comfort – start but fail to escalate.

4. Attraction and comfort only – you end up being told ‘let’s just be friends’.Ouch!

Mistake #1 is the one guys often make and which I was also guilty of making the most in the early stages of my learning process.

Attraction, Comfort & Seduction are the 3 fundamental stages that one should focus on the most. To be more specific, however there’s a step-by-step method that needs to be observed which is referred to as The Emotional Progression Model (EPM).

The Emotional Progression Model (EPM).

1. Approaching – you’re a stranger to her, therefore the things you say and do in the initial stages of the conversation are critical in determining your subsequent success or failure as the case may be i.e. your opening remark(s),general appearance, posture, facial expressions, body language and vocal tonality.
2. Transitioning – taking the initial conversation and shifting it into a more general and flirtatious interaction.
3. Attraction – where you get her to be interested in you.
4. Qualification – where you make her work for your interest and build a connection based on more than her looks i.e. you need to show her that you have values and she needs to have much more than her looks going for her for you to EVEN THINK about dating her!
5. Comfort – where you solidify the mutual attraction into an emotional and/or physical connection.
6. Seduction – pretty straight forward I think i.e. ‘closing the deal’.
7. Relationship – this is where you steer the subsequent interaction into anything from a traditional boyfriend/girlfriend situation to a friends with benefits situation.

To be fully conversant with all the stages takes a considerable amount of practice, effort and commitment but works wonders for those who are willing to learn coz once you ‘get it’ everything changes and you begin to start dating more and more women than you can handle!

There is no 2nd chance to make a First Impression

One needs to be confident and in control around women; you ought to be comfortable with yourself and what you do. Whenever a woman believes a man is confident, it’s attractive at a sub-conscious level.

Women are most attracted by:

1. Means – wealth and possessions which proves that the man is able to provide for her needs and wants.
2. Power – this implies influence, leadership, control, safety and security i.e. he will take charge of the relationship.
3. Fame – yep, famous guys turn women on.
4. Looks
5. Exclusivity – whether he is married or plays ‘hard to get’.
6. Personality – humor, creativity, romantic, adventurous etc.

As evidenced above, your personality is the thing that you can most readily use, work on and/or improve to attract women RIGHT NOW!

It should be noted that the one quality that attracts women the most (and keeps them attracted) is not something they can initially ‘see’, it’s the way they FEEL when they’re with you or thinking about you.

What women find sexy

1. Cocky-funny humor: women like being teased, messed with and made fun of (e.g. just like when they were kids and guys teased them, pulled their hair etc..)

2. Men who are in control of their emotion, the situation and the conversation.

3. Guys who are unpredictable e.g. compliment her in a back-handed and unpredictable manner. You could say –
   

“I think you’re pretty-it’s a pity you’re too nice…we can’t go out”/ “You’re so cute…you remind me of my little sister” or you can compliment her one day on something that she’s wearing and then the next time she has it on you say nothing.

Women find it exciting and challenging, so be different in an attractive way coz people are attracted to things that are UNIQUE and thus SUPERIOR.