COMFORT: PART 2

COMMONALITY
People tend to be more attracted to those who they consider to be similar to them in some way. The more that you both have in common with each other, the more she will rationalize that this was meant to be. She needs to be able to imagine you as a realistic addition to her everyday life. Sure, she enjoyed being entertained by you at the club but in real life, would the two of you fit?

Would your respective social circles be compatible? Prepare yourself by drawing out specific information from her in the comfort phase so that you can demonstrate commonality. Be careful: If it looks like you're fishing for commonalities in an effort to ingratiate yourself with her, you look desperate.


VULNERABILITY
When people share vulnerabilities with each other, it demonstrates (and creates) an emotional connection between them. It's one of those things that, if done too soon, will come off like you are trying too hard to gain rapport with her—a DLV. So don't be Captain Sensitive when you first meet her. At the right time, however, sharing vulnerabilities is a powerful comfort builder.

Did she tell you something personal about herself? Did she tell you a secret? The Question Game is very useful for this sort of sharing. It's also possible to structure stories to make vulnerability appear as if it were revealed accidentally.

Here are some examples of field-tested vulnerability stories:
• An embarrassing story. Hint: Cosmo Confessions is a treasure trove of material.
• First kiss experience (childhood regression).
• Your pet died because you were too small to take care of it.
• Your little niece fell down the stairs—"and I don't know what I would have done if things had gone bad that day, I love that little girl so much!"
• The story of your father dying and you reaching closure.

Tell her about your childhood. Talk about the cutest little baby you just saw and how it reminded you of your little sister when you were a kid. Reveal an insecurity and then tell the story behind overcoming it.

Tell her a secret. She'll be more likely to share one of her own.

Do not whine about your ex-girlfriend. And don't linger on sad emotions. "Pull" her sad strings and then move on to another one of your happier multiple threads.

So much unattractive behavior comes from a desire to avoid vulnerability. The secret is to embrace your vulnerability and still be unaffected by it. It's OK to be wrong. It's OK to laugh at yourself sometimes. Think about it: If you're sensitive about her seeing that you're wrong, then what she thinks obviously matters to you. But I thought you were unaffected? So the next time you tell the story of when you fought a lion with your bare hands, remember that it's more attractive—and interesting—to admit you were scared shitless than it is to play Mr. Tough Guy.

If that girl is going to be your girlfriend, she will eventually learn about your vulnerabilities anyway. Why wait until after sex to reveal them? Why not reveal them before sex, perhaps in the comfort stage?

Compliance Momentum
There is a basic model where people interact socially in five ways:
1. DHV—Demonstration of Higher Value
2. DLV—Demonstration of Lower Value (other people do this, not you)
3. IOI—Indicator of Interest
4. IOD—Indicator of Disinterest
5. CT—Compliance Test (almost all interactions at some point come down to a test for compliance; will you get compliance or defiance?)

Comfort is not only trust and time; it is also compliance. If you ask a friend to do something for you, he is much more likely to do it than, if you were to ask a random stranger. If you walk up to your girlfriend and kiss her, she will not only let you; she will pull you in and kiss you harder. Why? Because you have a high level of compliance. However, you have almost no chance of walking up to a stranger and doing the same things and receiving the same responses.

Why do we say that compliance has momentum? All compliance builds upon itself. Someone complying will continue to comply. Someone defying will continue to defy and resent, and interpret any attempt to force her to comply as an attack. But once we have reached compliance threshold, it takes very little effort to keep the compliance going.

KISSING: Kino and kissing are comfort builders, not seduction.

How will you know the right moment to kiss? You must train your intuition through time in the field. A good rule of thumb is not to bother trying to kiss her until after she has given you three IOIs. For example: she touches you, she laughs at your jokes, and she picks up the conversation when you let it drop.
Consider caressing the back of the neck to show you mean business, and abide by the 90/10 rule: You advance 90% of the way and she must advance 10% of the way to kiss you.


Kino (short for kinesthetic): physical touching of any kind.
Kino escalation: progressively more intimate physical contact.

NB: Most of the time you share with a woman should be invested in comfort building(mid-game) so that she will be comfortable when you begin seduction.